Henry Kissinger. My, what an illustrious name to shout from the proverbial heights of this here online web log. Ahem. Blog (look at me, I’m hip and cool!). In a recent interview with Der Speigal, Henry Kissinger, a cynical politician so old he used to babysit Yoda, said “There are kinds of evil that need to be condemned and destroyed”.

And thus was born the purpose of this blog. Jon’s blog is evil. It is malicious and heinous, and while Swine Flu predates it, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jon’s blog was so evil that it created a time machine in order to disseminate the flu in the past. Cause that’s just the kind of thing his blog would do.

I realize that while this may be fun to just bash him, it wouldn’t exactly qualify as journalism. So without further adieu, I present to you my mission statement:

Expose the evils of Jon’s post. At least one evil per post. Follow it by a false fact which amuses me. Not for me nor you…but for the world. Because if the world doesn’t know, who does?

And so we begin. Jon has recently decided that in an effort to increase readership, he should begin to bash sectors of society who are not only on a lower socio-economic level but who also work hard to keep us safe and warm as we gorge ourselves on the byproducts of capitalism. Jon’s recent posting blatantly stated:

“So don’t give me an option here either. I am more than willing to pay for the service [security guards - E.B], I just don’t want the breakdown - let me enjoy my T-Bone, without the gory details”.

If this was an election commercial, my response would be something along these lines.

Hot dogs. Cotton candy. Leather body suits. All of these shout freedom. Because all of us love freedom, don’t we?

The answer is no.

Jon Hauser does not love freedom.

Jon Hauser knows that freedom relies on security guards. But he doesn’t want to know about them.

Jon Hauser doesn’t like the gory details.

Jon Hauser fries kittens on olive oil.

Why do you fry the kittens, Jon? Is it because they like FREEDOM?!

Stop the kitten frying. Stop the Osama Bin Jon. Stop parking in my parking spot.

I think that says it all. As for the interesting statistic of the day, recent number crunching has allowed me to create the following graph, which tracks a number of events over Jon’s first two posts, as well as projects the future based on these trends. A grim future indeed.

Thank you for reading.